Love may mean different things for different people. Different people may also express love differently.
"When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?
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Terry Hatkoff, a California State University sociologist, has created a love scale that identifies six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships.
- Romantic: Based on passion and sexual attraction
- Best Friends: Fondness and deep affection
- Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion etc.
- Playful: Feelings evoked by flirtation or feeling challenged
- Possessive: Jealousy and obsession
- Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice.
Researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love.
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Often, two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love.
Dr. Hatkoff gives the example of a man and woman having dinner. The waiter flirts with the woman, but the husband doesn’t seem to notice, and talks about changing the oil in her car. The wife is upset that her husband isn’t jealous. The husband feels his extra work isn’t appreciated.
What does this have to do with love? The man and woman each define love differently. For him, love is practical, and is best shown by supportive gestures like car maintenance. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by her husband makes her feel valued.
Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship.
If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs.
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That is why I say, just compatibility (synastry) analysis is not enough... if you really want to work on the relationship with your partner, understand him/her too... get a professional astrologer analyse his/her horoscope and write a detailed report on it...
Then make your own note (after reading such a report) that:
- what are your partners expectations and aspirations
- what are his/her basic drives etc.
- what makes him/her happy
- how can you keep him/her interested in you
- what are his/her idea about happiness and enjoyment
- what are his/her attitude towards money and career
- what are his/her sex drives
- what are his/her weak areas in his personality
- Is he/she susceptible to be mentally or emotionally depressed
etc etc
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Note: the inspiration for writing this post came from an article published in The NewYork Times. The link to that article is available in the comment